Say what you will about the implied fascism, militarism, homophobia, ableism, racism, and antidemocratic undercurrents of Zach Snyder’s macho masterpiece 300, but no one can accuse it of internal inconsistency. The Spartans of Frank Miller’s totally-not-homoerotic fever dreams value endurance, survival, physical perfection, and loyalty to the point of self-sacrifice in the defense of Sparta. In the logic of this world, everything good that happens is directly because of these values, and everything bad that happens is in defiance of them. It’s what gets them through the seemingly impossible task of defending Thermopylae against the Persian invasion. It may be fucked up, but it ended up a great watch. Lesson learned: Don’t fuck with Sparta.
With such a nicely wrapped package of a story, you’d think there wouldn’t be any lingering questions that merit a sequel. You’d be right, but that didn’t stop the makers of 300: Rise of an Empire from trying anyway. Telling the much less interesting story of what happened around the events of 300—before, during, and after—it follows (apparently) brilliant tactician Themistocles in his struggle against Greek-born Persian commander Artemisia. Much of the action (what there is of it) takes place at sea, in initially promising battle sequences that always seem to end just as the excitement sets in. Most of the film is spent in the muddy trenches with Athenians who share a disdain for shirts with their Spartan brethren, but with much less to show for it, pectorally speaking.
Sadly, the movie makes the leap from forgivably boring to insultingly bad in its attempts to give its characters motivation. I’ll give you the short version: Men have beliefs, while women have to be cajoled or raped into action. Men fight for values, while women fight for spite. By biting off more than it can chew, 300: Rise of an Empire—which should have been nothing more than a continuation of the trashy if ethically troubling fun of the first film—ends up an insulting and boring mess that’ll have you rooting for the bad guys for all the wrong reasons.
300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE / R / WIDE RELEASE FRI 3.07
